Vampires These Days
by Bam Bam and Sookface
Summary: Dracula visits the modern day world and is appalled by what he sees.


**Disclaimer**

The rights to Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyers.

**Title**

Vampires These Days

**Summary**

Dracula visits the modern day world and is appalled by what he sees.

**Authors**

chocolatexloverx16 and AquilaTempestas

**Just a Small Note...**

We usually write for anime (specifically Beyblade) but today we decided to attempt something different and write for Twilight.

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Dracula awoke from his coffin, and stretched out his arms. Lying in a coffin for many years had made him very stiff. As he stretched his arms, he heard a snap. Oh dear. He had broken an arm, but luckily he could feel no pain because he was technically already dead. Being a vampire rocked. He bent over his coffin and searched for his parchment. There it was! He bent over cracking his back in the process, but he managed to pick up the ancient parchment. "Year 2010: Visit Earth. Check on vampires."

While he was looking for the vampires, he noticed his hopes were admittedly high. Dracula was hoping that the vampires of today would be badass. Back in his day, he was considered badass, and quite frankly, believes he will be badass until he dies. Which, quite clearly, won't ever happen. As he turned the street corner in this new and bizarre place, he noticed something sparkling close to where the sky and land meet. His intuition told him that this would be something to check out.

He walked closer to the sparkly object. He couldn't explain it, but he felt drawn to the object. As he neared, his mouth fell open in horror. What the hell was that? "Who are you?" Dracula shouted.

The sparkly figure turned around. "I'm a vampire obviously," the 'vampire' explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Dracula was not impressed. "A vampire? I'm a vampire!" he declared, revealing his long sharp fangs.

The sparkly one was not impressed. "Nice fangs dude, but girls don't care for that. They like sparkly handsome vampires, you know, like the ones in _Twilight._"

Dracula arched a brow. Twilight? "What is... Twilight?"

His new friend gave him a look of surprise. "Wow you must've have been sleeping in a coffin if you don't know what Twilight is." Dracula continued to look confused. Sparkly sighed. "It's a teen romance novel involving a human girl and a vampire."

"And the vampires are sparkly?"

Sparkly sighed once again. "Yes, they are. Would you like to read the book? I have a copy… in fact, I always read it whenever I feel stressed out about something," he smiled contently. "It really helps me out."

Dracula thought about his offer. It's not like he had anything better to do, and what would he have to lose? "I guess so, why not?" Reading the book would educate him about modern day vampires.

About seven hours later, he managed to finish the first book… as well as figure out what he had to lose: seven hours to be precise. He went to give the book back to Sparkly.

"Did you like it?" Sparkly asked, with much excitement in his voice.

Dracula pondered his response. Did he like it? No, he hated it. What the hell happened to vampires? Once they were feared by all, but now they were reduced to sparkly colours and ugly faces. These vampires were horrendous! They played baseball! BASEBALL! Back in his day vampires used the heads of decapitated victims for soccer. Also back in his day vampires slept in coffins. Now they slept in nice cosy houses in soft beds.

Dracula sighed. What was with this sappy romance? Vampires weren't romantic; vampires sunk their fangs into the necks of human beings and bled them dry. He hated all this prissy, sappy romantic stuff! He suddenly wished he had not awakened from his super long sleep. He couldn't understand why the one called Edward kept saving this human girl. She sounded like a target for trouble…

Dracula remembered that Sparkly had asked him if he liked it. He guessed he could answer eventually. "It… was… uh…" How could he say this without hurting Sparkly's feelings? Wait, why did he care if he hurt Sparkly's feelings? Was he contaminated by the sappiness of the new age vampire?

He sized Sparkly up and sneered. This pathetic excuse for a vampire wouldn't be able to endure his wrath of a real vampire! To prove to himself that he was better than that, he continued on. "I hated it. This book was a waste of my time. You can have it back," he paused long enough to hand it back. "I'm out of here Sparkly."

While Dracula was walking away, Sparkly had a shocked expression on his face. Then his shocked expression turned to outrage. "My name is NOT Sparkly! I was named after Edward!" he shouted after the distant figure.

"I don't care Sparkly! Bye!" He yelled back. It was time to head on back to bed.

Dracula morphed into a bat-like creature, flapped his wings and flew over the city. What a day it had been. One of these days he would come back with an army of vampires and show these sparkly vampires how to REALLY play baseball. Oh heads _will _roll. Blood _will _be spilt. And he was going to love every single second of it.

Relishing in his visions of pure destruction, Dracula landed at home base and headed back to his coffin. Because of his old age he tired easily and sleep was essential. Tomorrow he would plot.

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AquilaTempestas: And that's our first, and most likely, last fanfic for the Twilight fandom. If however you liked it, we may consider writing more in the future... thoughts are much appreciated.

Chocolatexloverx16: Oh yes, this was… certainly interesting to write. Any and all thoughts will be taken into consideration… heh. Hopefully it was amusing :3


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